Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Very Necessary Art of Saying Nothing

Intro:

The Jeanie and Jayha walk in all wide-eyed looking around this strange place.

“What is this place, Momma?” The Jeanie asks.

“I’m not sure. It’s so strange in here. Wait, there’s some wording up ahead. Let’s check it out,” Jayha answers as they make their way over.

“Oh, this is a blog,” The Jeanie says.

“Yeah, it is. Should we write something since we’re here?”

“Might as well. Then let’s run away fast before someone expects us to do this on a regular basis,” The Jeanie says.

Jayha translates. “By ‘regular basis’ The Jeanie means ‘ever again.’


The Blog Proper:

People claim that they want the truth. We’ve found that to be not just a lie, but a da*n lie in many situations. People don’t want the truth; people want to hear only what they want to hear. If what they hear happens to be the truth, that’s coincidence. When you tell them anything other than what they want to hear, you run the risk of being labeled a nAgger (please not the second letter is A not I)…or worse.

Many men complain that women nag them. This might be true in some cases, just as it’s most likely true that there was an equal action that led to the alleged nagging. Odds are that nagging wouldn’t be necessary if you simply did what you were supposed to…the first ten times someone asked you to do it. If you weren’t going to do it, man up and say you’re not going to do it. That line of action saves everyone time and energy. It might also save you from an unplanned trip to the ER and your significant other/publisher/homie from being featured on an episode of “Cops.”

Note to readers who are at risk for being featured on the aforementioned show: Please have a t-shirt nearby and a slide your feet into a pair of shoes before you answer the door. Also, if you haven’t done any hardcore jogging in say EVER, then don’t make a run for it. Of course, if you’re highly likely to be featured on COPS than you won’t heed this message. All good, just make a run for it in the daytime so we get a good view of you getting run down, tazed, and kicked in the ribs before being tossed in the back of the cop car.

Where were we? Oh yeah, we were talking about nagging. When people complain about their (insert person) nagging, we just want to warn them. “F*ck the nagging. Be on the lookout for the silence.”

You can hide things in silence—not that unregistered handgun and illegal stash of drugs you have, but other stuff like intent. Silence has an inherent dualism that makes it both great and tragic. It’s defined not simply by dictionaries but most frequently by the event that invokes it. Additionally, it can be used as a weapon by the one who wields it or as a shield by the one who holds it.

Silence can be eloquent… “The most profound statements are often made in silence.” —Lynn Johnston

Silence can be a betrayal… “The cruelest lies are often told in silence.” —Robert Louis Stevenson

Silence can be a command…or a response … "I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We've been taught that silence would save us, but it won't." -Audre Lorde

Sometimes silence is the only place you can go when you’re bombarded by dumb sh*t…and not just dumb sh*t, but dumb sh*t for no da*n reason. It’s as if someone gave a directive to “cue the crazy.”

Let’s look at some of the examples of crazy that Jeanie and I prepared earlier.

Authors who swear out that not only do they not need proofreading, but they also don’t need editing...despite the fact that their email is filled with spelling errors, double negatives, and one of those misspelled words is their own name.

Authors who read your submission guidelines and yet begin the first line of their query letter with, “I know you said you don’t accept submissions that (insert rule) but, I’m going to submit this anyway.”

Authors who have a book that’s about to drop with one publisher and yet only advertise the books they have with other publishers…that came out two years ago…and got jacked up reviews. And then ask you why they’re not on the bestseller’s list. BWAH HA HA HA.

While we might have nagged our fellow authors about such things before…both Jeanie and I are too tired to really waste our time repeating ourselves. We can’t give a da*n more than the author gives a d*mn. We’re just going to use our time writing wild stories and reading hot ones. And every now and then, we blog.

—Jeanie and Jayha

3 comments:

Dréa riley said...

FIST IN THE AIR!

authorjmpowers said...

I love the blog! Your honest vibe is refreshing. Ahhhh!!!

Janet Eckford said...

Ah the power of silence. I feel that when combined with a calm speaking voice...well it's just magical;)